New Traineeship in Logistics with Forklift Licence

Coláiste Dhúlaigh CFE are now taking applications for a Traineeship in Logistics with Forklift Licence. The course will commence on the 21st November and run for 30 weeks. It s a QQI part-award that provides Forklift Truck licence, Manual Handling and First Aid Responder training. Participants will do a practical 15 week work placement with our industry partners. 

For more information about the course contact audrey.manning@cdcfe.cdetb.ie or click this link

Coláiste Dhúlaigh College of Further Education Open Day, Thursday November 23^rd

Coláiste Dhúlaigh College of Further Education would like to invite you to their Open Day in the Coolock campus, Barryscourt Road,  on Thursday November 23^rd, during College Awareness Week.

The CDCFE Open Day takes place from 10am-6.30pm on Thursday 23^rd November, during College Awareness Week. The day promises an action-packed programme of events, with interactive workshops and demonstrations from our staff and students. All are welcome to attend.

Coláiste Dhúlaigh CFE offers over 70 Post Leaving Certificate Courses, ranging from Animation to Art Portfolio, Barbering to Business, Psychology to Science, Engineering to Outdoor Education etc. We offer courses at QQI Levels 4, 5 & 6, Traineeships, Apprenticeships, Entrepreneurships and Level Eight BA Hons Degrees in Drama, Animation, and Film Production.

Prospective students do not need to register for this event, just come on the day. Applicants do not need CAO points to study with us, just a willingness to learn. Our disability support and guidance counselling services will be on hand to answer any questions about learner supports and funding. You will also be able to find out about our Erasmus+ foreign placement opportunities.

Coláiste Dhúlaigh CFE offers excellent progression routes to university. Many of our courses are one-year long and lead directly to a college place through CAO. Beat exam stress with continuous assessment and let our tutors share their academic and industry experience with you.

We have three main campuses, based in Coolock, Raheny and Kilbarrack, all with excellent transport links. Our Shackleton Outdoor Education course do their water-based activities in Broadmeadows, Malahide Estuary.

The Open Day in the Coolock campus will showcase activities like bridge-building, personality tests, mobile journalism, hair styling, taste-testing, massage, flower arranging and many more. All are welcome to attend and find out more about what Coláiste Dhúlaigh CFE has to offer.

Can’t make it? Check out www.cdcfe.ie and follow us on our social media for events and news.

Are you an autistic student starting college/further education in September/ October 2023? We understand that transitions can be challenging, which is why we are excited to introduce the Student Transitions Peer Support Group. This online support group aims to connect autistic students with each other, providing a safe and supportive space to discuss concerns and share experiences. 

Who is it for? The Student Transitions Peer Support Group is specifically designed for autistic adults who are navigating through a time of change.  This group is for students who have started at any college, PLC course or university in Ireland in 2023. This group is here to lend you a helping hand. 

When and Where? The group will meet biweekly on Thursday evenings, with the first session scheduled for 26th of October at 6-7pm. Thanks to the power of technology, we will gather online via Zoom, allowing participants from all across Ireland to connect and engage. The dates of the sessions are: 26th October/9th November/ 23rd November/ 7th of December.  

Time Commitment: We understand that everyone’s schedule is unique, so we have designed the sessions to last approximately one hour. We want to ensure that your time is valued while providing a focused and meaningful space for discussions. 

What to Expect? During the Transitions Peer Support Group sessions, you will have the opportunity to meet other autistic students who share similar experiences and challenges. Led by compassionate facilitators, the group encourages open and non-judgmental conversations. You can expect a supportive environment where you can freely express your concerns, seek advice, and gain valuable insights from peers who understand your journey. 

Sign Up Today! Ready to embark on this transformative journey with us? We have limited places, so to secure your place in the Student Transitions Peer Support Group, simply send an email to katie@asiam.ie. Our team will provide you with all the necessary information and guidance you need to get started. 

Together, we can navigate life’s transitions with confidence and resilience! 🌟 

Are you an autistic student starting college/further education in September/ October 2023? We understand that transitions can be challenging, which is why we are excited to introduce the Student Transitions Peer Support Group. This online support group aims to connect autistic students with each other, providing a safe and supportive space to discuss concerns and share experiences. 

Who is it for? The Student Transitions Peer Support Group is specifically designed for autistic adults who are navigating through a time of change.  This group is for students who have started at any college, PLC course or university in Ireland in 2023. This group is here to lend you a helping hand. 

When and Where? The group will meet biweekly on Thursday evenings, with the first session scheduled for 26th of October at 6-7pm. Thanks to the power of technology, we will gather online via Zoom, allowing participants from all across Ireland to connect and engage. The dates of the sessions are: 26th October/9th November/ 23rd November/ 7th of December.  

Time Commitment: We understand that everyone’s schedule is unique, so we have designed the sessions to last approximately one hour. We want to ensure that your time is valued while providing a focused and meaningful space for discussions. 

What to Expect? During the Transitions Peer Support Group sessions, you will have the opportunity to meet other autistic students who share similar experiences and challenges. Led by compassionate facilitators, the group encourages open and non-judgmental conversations. You can expect a supportive environment where you can freely express your concerns, seek advice, and gain valuable insights from peers who understand your journey. 

Sign Up Today! Ready to embark on this transformative journey with us? We have limited places, so to secure your place in the Student Transitions Peer Support Group, simply send an email to katie@asiam.ie. Our team will provide you with all the necessary information and guidance you need to get started. 

Together, we can navigate life’s transitions with confidence and resilience! 🌟 

Apply for your free City of Dublin ETB ISIC card at this link: here

Coláiste Dhúlaigh College of Further Education are delighted to announce that their Building Information Modelling (BIM) tutor, Derek Turner, has won in the Building & Architect of the Year Awards 2023.

Turner, along with the team at JCA Architects, won the awards in two categories for their work on Primark Belfast – The Bank buildings, for Best Use of Digital Technology and the Multi-Discipline Collaboration Achievement. The Primark building was a complex BIM project that ultimately resulted in a signature building.

Derek delivers the Revit Modelling and BIM Processes modules on CDCFE’s evening BIM with Project Management course. The programme, which is delivered online by industry professionals, is designed to upskill people working in the construction area, or anyone who wants to advance in BIM.

The course is delivered online on Monday and Wednesday evenings from 6.30- 9.30pm. Applications are open until 6^th October. For more information about the BIM with Project Management course and to apply click Here

There are limited places available on some PLC courses. We will be registering students up until October 6^th. Its not too late to find the perfect course for you.

Places are available on various courses in the following departments: Art & Design, Media, Outdoor Education, Health Sciences, Performing Arts.

Apply online by clicking the “Apply Now” button on our homepage and we’ll do the rest!

The Fashion Design & Styling course at CDCFE has an exciting schedule of events lined up this term. Students will help assist backstage at Louise Kennedy’s 40th Anniversary show in Dublin, a milestone event for the fashion designer.

Students on the QQI level 5 & 6 course will also take part in The Gloss fashion show in the RDS in November. This gives students a first-hand glimpse at the skills required to work in the fashion industry. Participants on the course, which is part of the art and design department at CDCFE, learn skills needed to make garments and will also gain work experience in many more fashion events throughout the year, including running their own fashion show at year end.

Course coordinator Sarjit Verik says “it’s great for our students to attend these events as they provide valuable learning experiences for our students. Coordinating shows and working with various designers can provide students with hands-on experience and insight into the world of fashion production”.

Earlier in the year CDCFE Fashion course graduate Nicole Mbenza’s garment was featured in Peter Mark’s summer campaign. Peter Mark required a unique vibrant garment to showcase new hairstyles for Summer 2023 advertising campaign for Ireland.

We are still enrolling for fashion design & styling and many other PLC courses as well as traineeships and BA degrees. Follow our social media or see cdcfe.ie for more information.

Check out the fashion Instagram page here

See more about the fashion course here

Coláiste Dhúlaigh College of Further Education are offering 8-week evening courses, starting on 3rd October.  Courses take place in our Coolock campus from 7-9pm.

Choose from Interior Design, Drawing, Makeup & Beauty or Special Needs Assistant (SNA). The SNA course cost €199 for one QQI Level 5 module. CDCFE will also have a Pilates class from 6-7pm for just €70.

*Please note that the SNA course commences on 26th September

See more information and apply online Here

Contact corina.lynch@cdcfe.cdetb.ie for more information

Coláiste Dhúlaigh College of Further Education will be running a career guidance drop-in service for the first week of September. There is no need to make an appointment, simply call in to our Coolock campus between 10am-2pm daily.

This service is designed for Post Leaving Cert students who are in need of advice around their next steps, or anyone else considering taking a course at CDCFE this year. Appointments with our guidance counsellors are strictly confidential and are centered around helping prospective students with their decision-making process.

For more information about location and the courses on offer at Coláiste Dhúlaigh, follow our social media and visit www.cdcfe.ie. Create Your Future at CDCFE.

Please see details below on course dates and what to bring to your registration.

All courses will register in the Coolock campus.

Please have the following with you for registration:
1 – Valid ID
Passport OR
National ID Card OR
Driver’s License

2 – If you are a holder of the following, please bring them to the registration
-current medical card
-GNIB / IRP card

3 – New students with a health issue, learning support need or a disability are asked to register with the Disability and Learning Support service in the college at Student Support Registration Form. If you have already registered there is no need to complete this form again.

To speed up your registration process you can Login to your enrol college account and complete the Learner Detail Form before registration.

Start of Classes

All classes will start from September 25th.

*Please note that course offers are conditional on students meeting the minimum course entry requirements. Please ensure you check the course website page for details of the specific requirements for your course. If English is not your first language, an English Language Test may be required. If you are a mature student i.e over 21 and in receipt of social welfare for over 6 months, you may be eligible for VTOS. This means that you can keep your Social Welfare payments and course charges are waived. For further information please contact michelle.culligan@cdcfe.cdetb.ie as soon as possible. Non-EU students must comply with Irish Immigration requirements. A visa from the Immigration Section of the Department of Justice & Equality must be secured prior to commencing course. Non-EU students will be required to pay a tuition fee.

Coláiste Dhúlaigh College of Further Education are delighted to announce that applications are now open for an exciting new Traineeship in TV & Film Production. This course is designed for anyone who dreams of a career in the media.

The Traineeship is a QQI Level 6 course and participants will learn the skills required to work on live tv & film productions in a realistic setting.  Practical classes take place in CDCFE’s Coolock campus and students will also do a work placement with a media partner. Trainees on this course will have the opportunity to learn skills such as editing, radio production, camera & lighting and much more.

Applicants for this fast-paced course should ideally have a QQI level 5 qualification in a media related field, or relevant experience. The course is fully funded and will provide the skills required to gain employment in an expanding media sector.

Dillon Adams is a graduate of CDCFE who now wants to pursue a career in media. “I tend to remember things better through hands-on learning. I also want to build my connections in the film and media industry to potentially secure a full-time job. For these reasons I have chosen to apply to the media traineeship.”

Applications are now open online at www.cdcfe.ie. For more information about the Traineeship in TV & Film Production at CDCFE visit their website or follow their social media.

TV & Film Production Trainee Dillon Adams working on the set of the Toy Show

Bernie Brazel, nominated for Apprentice of the Year 2023

Coláiste Dhúlaigh College of Further Education (CDCFE) are delighted to congratulate their Hairdressing students who have been nominated for Apprentice of the Year 2023. Eleven apprentices have been invited to attend a ceremony in The Mansion House in October, which takes place with the support of Minister Simon Harris and the National Apprenticeship Office.

The Hairdressing Apprenticeship at CDCFE is based in “Cabello”, a state-of-the-art hairdressing salon in the college’s Kilbarrack campus. Participants on the course do their practical work whilst working in a professional salon, and then study one day a week on campus, allowing them to “earn while they learn”. The course provides an Advanced Certificate in Hairdressing, which is currently the only national qualification for fully qualified hairdressers in Ireland.

Philip McDonagh, nominee for Apprentice of the Year

Course coordinator Kevin Cahill commented “we are delighted to have 11 nominations across our four hairdressing cohorts, particularly as this number is up from one last year – it is great to see CDCFE’s apprentices getting the recognition they deserve for their hard work”

If you would like to know more about the hairdressing apprenticeship at Coláiste Dhúlaigh CFE and how to apply, check out their website www.cdcfe.ie and follow their social media.

Rebecca Lynch, Stage 2 Hairdresser nominated for Apprentice of the Year

The Full List of Nominees are:

Stage 1:

Ceiligh Mc Donald
Chloe Murray

Stage 2: 

Rhiannon Black
Janet Talon
Siobhan Coates
Philip MC Donagh
Sarah Meleady

Stage 3:

Applications are open online now for over 70 courses that are offered at Coláiste Dhúlaigh College of Further Education (CDCFE).

CDCFE has over 12 departments, ranging from Animation, to Hairdressing to Science & Engineering and a many more disciplines.

Courses are offered at a range of levels, from full time QQI Levels 4, 5 & 6, Higher National Diplomas (HND), Apprenticeships, Traineeships, Entrepreneurship and BA Top-up Degrees as well as part-time courses.

Our PLC courses are designed for students who didn’t meet the CAO requirements for a university place and want to progress through an alternative route.

We also welcome mature students who want to return to education.

We provide work based learning and part-time courses for people who want to learn new skills or improve existing ones, and also need to work at the same time.

The Back to Education Initiative (BTEI) and Vocational Training Opportunities Scheme (VTOS) offer the chance for people to study while retaining their social welfare payments.

With the City of Dublin ETB providing courses for only €50 this year, there has never been a better time to access education.

Whatever your needs, Coláiste Dhúlaigh CFE has a course for you. Follow us on social media for updates and check out www.cdcfe.ie for more information and to apply for a course. Your Future Starts Here.

Registration Dates

Second and Third year classes will register on Monday 11th September.

First Year classes will register from September 12th – September 15th.

Registration for all campuses will take place in the Coolock campus and must be attended in person.

A detailed list of course registration will be published later this week.

The City of Dublin ETB has announced that all of its PLC courses will now cost a flat registration fee of €50 in the 2023-24 Academic Year. This fee is to be paid by applicants on acceptance of a course, therefore Coláiste Dhúlaigh CFE will no longer request a €50 deposit for course applications. If you have already paid more than €50 for a course starting in September 2023, this will be refunded to you.

The decision was made by the City of Dublin ETB, of which CDCFE is a constituent, in an effort to drive down the cost of living and enable inclusive and accessible education for all, a key function of further education and training.

Our courses offer excellent progression routes into universities or employment. We offer Post Leaving Certificate courses at QQI levels 4,5, & 6, as well as Apprenticeships, Traineeships and BA Degrees. Check out list of over 70 courses on offer at Coláiste Dhúlaigh CFE and apply now at www.cdcfe.ie.

Congratulations to Fashion Design course graduate Nicole Mbenza whose garment is currently being featured in national campaign by renowned hairdressers Peter Mark.

Fashion student Nicole Mbenza’s creation not only showcases her design skills but also highlights the importance of sustainable fashion and the potential for incorporating unconventional materials into the world of style. It’s inspiring to see young talents pushing the boundaries of fashion and creating visually striking pieces that promote eco-consciousness.

Applications for the fashion design and styling course are now open for September 2023.

N

Nicole Mbenza works on a garment

Graduation took place in the Hogan Suite, Croke Park, on Monday, May 29^th. We were delighted to welcome our graduates to this ceremony, a celebration of their achievements throughout the year.

The Film Production BA and Animation BA courses at Coláiste Dhúlaigh College of Further Education would like to invite you to a screening of their graduate films in the Lighthouse Cinema, Smithfield, on 26^th May.

The screening will begin at 3pm, followed by a reception afterwards from 5.30pm. If you would like to attend this event, please contact coolock@cdcfe.cdetb.ie. Book early to avoid disappointment.

The Film Production and Animation BA Hons programmes at CDCFE are accredited by University of Wolverhampton, and delivered on an in-person, part-time basis at Coláiste Dhúlaigh’s Coolock campus. Our tutors are award winning industry professionals who are dedicated to the highest standards of film making. Many of our graduates have continued into successful careers in the industry.

Applications are now open for the 2023/24 academic year. To learn more about our degree courses and to see samples of student work, visit the course pages below and follow our social media for more news & updates.

B.A. (Hons) Top Up Degree In Animation at Coláiste Dhúlaigh CFE (cdcfe.ie)

B.A. Top Up Degree in Video & Film Production at Coláiste Dhúlaigh CFE (cdcfe.ie)

Huge congratulations to Frank Berry who has won the best Director Award at the Irish Film & Television Awards (IFTAs). A former student and tutor of Coláiste Dhúlaigh College of Further Education, Berry beat Banshees of Inisheerin Director Martin McDonagh in the category for his film Aisha, which also won Best Script at an awards ceremony held in Dublin on Sunday.

Berry’s work focusses on hard hitting documentaries in his trademark social reality style. He aims to spotlight difficult social issues such as addiction, poverty, suicide and wealth inequality. Aisha tackles racism and looks at Ireland’s immigration system through the eyes of his protagonist, Nigerian woman Aisha Osagie, played by Leticia Wright.

The award-winning director has previously spoken out on the issue of direct provision and worked closely with groups such as Asylum Seekers Ireland to highlight what he describes as an “inhumane system” while making Aisha.

Berry previously directed the IFTA nominated “I Used to Live Here” as well as the critically acclaimed “Michael Inside”. Frank’s earlier work “Ballymun Lullaby”, is an uplifting look at the impact one person can have in a community.

In a guest lecture recently with Film Production students at Coláiste Dhúlaigh College of Further Education Frank advised students who want to get into the media industry to “practice a lot, make lots of films and then you will see your voice coming through. Hard work pays off no matter where you are”. Applications are now open online at www.cdcfe.ie for courses starting this September.

Are you interested in developing your career in the solar sector?

SolarShare has vacancies in our Solar PV system installation teams, and we welcome applications from ambitious and talented individuals dedicated to high- quality work required to build out the low-carbon economy.

SolarShare enables homeowners to generate and harness their own electricity from sunlight using solar PV panels and energy storage batteries. Over the next two decades, we want to help our communities make the transition to zero- carbon living as simply and cost-effectively as possible.

If the role below is of interest please apply, sharing your CV via the SolarShare website Join Our Team – SolarShare or contact careers@solarshare.ie with any queries you may have about the role.

Graduate Solar PV System Installer

As a bright and hard-working team player, you will be required to excel at solar PV systems installation and set high standards of workmanship and safety for your colleagues.

All necessary training will be provided by some of the most experienced people in the industry.

Role

• Work as part of a team installing domestic and commercial solar PV systems;
• Work to the highest standards ensuring all Health and Safety procedures are adhered to at all times;

Responsibilities

• Show up every time and on time;
• Work safely;
• Be polite and courteous to colleagues and customers;

Essential Skills and Attributes

•  Ability and ambition to learn;
• Safety conscious;
• Team player;
• Positive attitude;
• Enjoy the satisfaction that comes from doing good work well;

Competencies

• Competent person to operate a ladder safely; https://www.hsa.ie/eng/publications_and_forms/publications/safety_and_health_manage ment/ladder_information_sheet.pdf
• Competent person to climb a ladder onto the roof of a two-story building using the appropriate safety equipment;
• We will provide complete and through training during your induction period and on a continuous professional development (CPD) basis.

Working pattern and Location

Your team is required to work Monday to Friday. Louth, Meath, Dublin areas.

Benefits

Competitive package provided for the right candidate.

Visit our website: www.solarshare.ie
Carlisle Building 51 Bracken Road, Sandyford, Dublin 18, | D18 CV48

We are proud to announce that media department student, Stephen White, has won first place in the Short Story of the Year category in the 2023 Smedia awards.

Stephen, who is a mature student that joined CDCFE during the pandemic, saw off competition from other nominees in the category from UCD, UCC, TCD & Maynooth University.

Stephen’s story “Looking Back” was written in 2022 while he was a student in CDCFE’s Creative Writing course. He is now studying Social Media Content Creator and is producing Radio show “Hear Here” on Near FM which frequently features Coláiste Dhúlaigh CFE student work.

Earlier this year he was short listed for an ETB Excellence award in the Learner Creative category for his video “Tell ’em who sent you”. (see link below) He was also a winner in the 2022 SCC Creative writing competition.

Congratulations to all our students who were nominated and represented CDCFE so well.

Read winning short story “Looking Back” Here:

Looking Back (1)

“The Quill”, a collection of poetry and short stories by the creative writing course students will be officially launched on Thursday in the Coolock canteen.

Copies of the publication will be distributed throughout the three campuses or you can read a digital copy of the publication here:

The Quill

For more information about the creative writing QQI Level 5 course at CDCFE click here:

Creative Writing for Digital Media Course at Coláiste Dhúlaigh CFE (cdcfe.ie)

The Photography and Graphic Design students collectively known as “Photographics”, are delighted to announce the launch of their Photography Exhibition.  The opening of the exhibition will take place at Cólaiste Dhúlaigh CFE Coolock Campus on Tuesday 25^th of April between 4pm – 7pm and will be on display there throughout the year.  All are very welcome to attend.

The Virtual Exhibition will also go live at the same time, click the link to view it:

https://www.artsteps.com/view/64067677cc9808373ab27153/?currentUser

This collaboration between the photography and graphic design students is a significant piece of the QQI Level 6 Arts Events Management module.  This in turn is a part of the Photography L6 and Graphic Design L6 courses.

Participants in this year’s exhibition are as follows:

Przemyslaw Zimowski, Ken Beirne, Adrian Oakes, Charlie Murphy, Sandris Beckovs, AidenLea Blackman, Cassidy Kearney, Ki Cumiskey, Aoife Fitzpatrick, Corrine Richards Scully, Maria Mitrovic, John Flanagan, Marsha Koshyrenkova.

Coláiste Dhúlaigh College of Further Education (CDCFE) will host a Breakfast Briefing in its Kilbarrack Campus, Briarfield Villas, on Wednesday 26th April 2023, from 8am to 9am. This briefing aims to reconnect with local employers by showcasing opportunities in continued professional development for businesses and their employees.

As a constituent of the City of Dublin Education & Training Board, CDCFE wants to engage with employers to identify their workforce training needs. The briefing offers employers the chance to hear about the upskilling and reskilling opportunities that CDCFE currently offers through the Skills to Advance initiative.

Skills to Advance is a subsidised scheme that provides training relevant to business needs. CDCFE aims to provide courses that respond to the changing nature of jobs and skills. Currently we can offer training in areas of healthcare, tourism/hospitality, digital marketing, construction/engineering, etc. All bespoke courses are tailored to the SMEs needs.

CDCFE are keen to engage with employers about the development of suitable industry- based programmes for the workforce of the future.

Please register for the event using the link below:

https://www.eventbrite.ie/e/breakfast-briefing-tickets-591413121567

Huge congratulations to our students who are nominated in the 2023 National Student Media Awards (Smedias). The awards ceremony will take place this Thursday 20^th April in the Aviva Stadium and we will be rooting for the nominees. Best of luck!

Radio DJ of the year – Dillon Adams

Short Film of the Year – The Winner – Anna Moloney & David Shoyinka

https://vimeo.com/553126474/6f33b844ce

Film Documentary of the Year – Have you Heard From Declan – Sadhbh Hughes & George Sharpson

https://vimeo.com/582434460/90c3ff0b0f

Short Story of the Year – Looking Back –  Stephen White (Read story below)

Film Script of the year – Blurred Vision – Joseph Reilly

Watch the trailer for Blurred Vision Here:

“Looking Back” by Stephen White

The morning silence was broken by the usual dulcet tones of the newsreader on the ‘wireless’. The sombre words along with the sound of the whistling kettle and the smell of burning toast wafted upstairs from the warmest room in the house. The dial on the radio was fixed by my father at RTE One and as was the norm now the headlines was the violence erupting in Northern Ireland and Maggie Thatcher going head-to-head with the IRA and the Hunger strikers.

As I held my customary morning conference with my reflection in the stained bathroom mirror, it was agreed that the reason we had been dreaming about Maggie Thatcher last night was because she was constantly on the news and that the dream had nothing, absolutely nothing to do with the conversation me and the lads were having the other day about older women. The who you might fancy chat, only as a joke by the way and listen we were talking about Raquel Welch, Liz Taylor and Bridgette Bardot and the like. It was ‘Pee Pee’ Murray who suggested Maggie Thatcher and he would have been snared rapid if it wasn’t for ‘Snitchy’ Mc Gee coming around the corner with that can of beer.

Pee Pee got away with it but it’s been on my mind ever since. Any way to move on to item two on the agenda. The very noticeable monstrosity on my face that resembled mount Vesuvius. It seemed no matter how much of my sisters make up I used it wouldn’t stay hidden. My acne was so bad now that my spots were getting spots. The loud banging and shouting on the bathroom door from my adoring siblings signaled the conclusion of this morning’s conference.

As I two stepped down the stairs and was just about to make a break for the front door my mother stopped me in my tracks. “Alex please be sure to come straight home from school today, we need to have a talk.” “Sure,” I muttered keeping my head down so she wouldn’t notice the makeup. It took some time to dry and crust over before it didn’t look like girls make up, but bumpy orangey skin. Anyway I eventually broke free and set off for the ‘early bus’. This was the one Tina (and most likely that creep Kavanagh) would be on. The alternative to the ‘early’ was the ‘quarter past’ and that was slow, packed, and more than likely ‘Tina-less’. Also the ‘quarter past’ as it slowly rattled its way through the traffic laden roads of Dublin would produce a potent sleep inducing mixture of diesel and tobacco vapor (smoking on the ‘upstairs’ of buses was almost compulsory in the early 1980’s). I didn’t mind sleeping it was the invasion of a certain prime minister into my dreams that was worrying me.

The quarter past also meant dealing with Percy, the potbellied, face gurning, know-all bus conductor, who always seemed to be on whatever bus I was taking. That intervention by my mother meant I had now to run if I was to have any chance of catching Tina.

As I pounded the pavement I recalled yesterday’s conversation and her suggestion about my hair, as in ‘do something with it, anything, but lose the mop.’ Red hair seems to attract unsolicited comments from all comers including Percy who would entertain the passengers on the 16C with, “How ye Ginger, Fred not with you today?” Oh how he laughed at that one every day (sometimes twice on the same day).

According to Jack Mac (my best buddy in school), the fact that Tina commented on my hair, was a sure sign that she was interested in me. What did that say about Percy? “Girls always want to change you” the worldly wise playboy Jack informed me. Jack having ‘wared a mot’ was way ahead of me when it came to the opposite sex. That and his Northside upbringing. North-siders have the edge over Southsiders when it comes to sex. The girls really enjoy it. Fake jewelry but real orgasms is what Jack says. I was thinking a centre parting for the ‘gruaige’ as I rounded the corner and saw the bus doors close with a loud hiss as it separated the almost rans from the nearly departed. “There’s an extra behind,” the driver shouted. Eventually the ‘extra’ rounded the corner with ‘guess who’ stood front and center, picture-framed by the thick rubber around the windscreen. This was Percy’s moment, he would decide who would travel on his Charabanc. I positioned myself in front of an attractive couple that Percy was sure to allow on board. “Seats on top,” he announced to the boarding passengers, drenching them with his spittle.

I found a seat at the back where the smokey diesel and warm vibrating seats sent me ,as expected, into a trance like slumber. “That’s the trouble with people these days, too many of them are just relying on other people to solve their problems. Their problems, young Alexander. They should get up earlier or get a bike and cycle if they have to be somewhere at a certain time.” There I was in the backyard of number 10 Downing Street. Maggie Thatcher, her head popped around the back door, her blue curlers still in situ and a cigarette hanging from her lips.

One eye blinking from the smoke, she beckoned me from behind the washing line that was drying her blue undergarments. As she opened the door, she revealed herself in a very tight-fitting blue silk dressing gown. Her bosoms were like loaded missiles and one of them was aimed right at me. “Come in Alexander, sit,” she said. I sat across from Denis Thatcher who ignored me and continued to read his newspaper. “That will be all Dinny,” she said. He got up and took his Daily Telegraph which concealed a copy of the ‘saucy Sun’ and left. “Don’t think I didn’t see that” she called after him. Placing a blue floral designed china cup and saucer in front of me, she poured a cup of steaming hot tea. She sidled up to me and pulled my head to her bosom and said, “Alexander,” she always called me Alexander. “Forget Tina, you need someone more mature.”

As I sat there surrounded by her bosoms I could hear her muffled speech about Northern Ireland and the hunger strikers . I knew I’d never go hungry where I was. It was so comfortable there and I just wanted to nuzzle up and sleep forever. I could hear Maggie’s muffled tones as she said “You can’t make an omlette without breaking some balls,” But as far as my balls were concerned I have to say I– “GINGER,” roared Percy, his big sweaty belly pressed into my face. That’s ten pence more you owe me, you paid to Kelly’s corner that was two stops back. I managed to escape his sweaty blubbery clutch and jump of the moving bus.

The extended bus ride had now caused me to be late for school so rather than trying to sneak in to ‘double Biology’, I headed for Dirty Dans the school chipper/ coffee shop, home for unpunctual and wayward school children. I would take refuge there till first break. It was at break when my buddy Jack came in, his creased forehead warned of bad news. “Alex where were you? ‘Kojak’ is swinging the leather, looking for you” (all bald teachers in the eighties were nicknamed Kojak). “He’s called you Alexander the Late and says Memnon awaits.”

I explained to Jack about my mother’s interception that, although minimal it put my timing out by quite a bit. His reaction to this piece of seemingly innocuous information threw me. He stopped mid-bite into his ‘Marathon’ bar and looking at me wide-eyed and running his hand through his wispy pale blonde hair (inspirationally parted in the middle) he asked, “Did she say chat or talk?” “Jesus Jack, I can’t remember exactly, why?” “I’ll tell you why Aleco me auld buddy, if she said ‘talk’ it’s not good. “Jack, what are you on about?” “Al, the ‘Talk’ is the facts of life, the how babies are made. The ‘it’s more than a special hug,’ talk.

I had to stop my mother as she started to explain how she and me Da made babies.” “Jaysus, how’d ye stop her?” “I told her I already knew and that we had covered it in school. Alex, this is what you’re going to have to do unless you want to hear things about your Ma and Da making babies, and Jesus wept Al, there are seven of youse. Then there’s all the stuff about personal choice, protection, condominiums and French people writing to each other.” “What will I do?” “Alex, as soon as she starts, tell her you know everything. You can tell her I told you cause my Ma told me and we spoke to one of the priests to make sure we had our facts right. Sero bero Al, you do not want to hear your Ma talk about sex.”

I don’t, I thought. This is one conversation I won’t be having. I was dreading going home. The bus journey home was usually occupied with either a chat with Tina or a game of ‘would you rather’ with Barney (a ‘bus only’ friend). But today no Tina, no game. Barney wasn’t speaking to me as I ‘accidentally’ broke his ‘nudie pen’. No loss though as my impending ‘Talk’ with my mother was on my mind. So now I was home I waited and it seemed forever until she called me into the sitting room.

The sun’s rays caught the smoke swirling up from her cigarette and her smoking told me this was serious. “Sit down Alex, I need to tell you something.” “Mam you don’t need to say anything. I already know,” I said. “What?” “I heard –” “Oh Alex, did you hear your father and me the other night? I thought the house was empty–” “What? No. Jesus Ma. Please, flippin hell. I was going to say I heard about it in school, Jack told me.” “Jack?” she said. “Yeah, his mother told him and we checked our facts with a priest and he told us that we were correct.” “His Mother? A priest? What priest?” “Father Donnelly.” “What exactly did Father Donnelly say?” “Not much really, just “that’s right boys,” after we had gone through everything Jack’s Ma told us.” “And how does Jack’s mother know?” “Eh Ma, all the adults know.” “They do? So, seems I’m the last one to find out.” “What? What do you mean last to find out? Flippin hell when did you find out?” “The other night, I had my suspicions something was up but it was only when your father decided to tell me that I realised what was going on.” “Wait, you had your suspicions? I mean what did you, like how were, surely you, flip sake there are seven of us, I mean, what the fu-” “Language Alex.” “Sorry.” “Seven of who?” she said. “Us, your children,” I said. “Oh, Alex you guys are not to blame –” “Eh, I know that, we weren’t around until you and Dad decided to–” “Decided to what Alex? What do you think I’m talking about?” “The ‘Talk’.” “What Talk?” “The talk about babies, special hugs, protection from the church and the French postal system.”

My mother began to simultaneously laugh and cry. Lighting a new cigarette from the old, inhaling and then on the exhale, she said, “Your father and I are separating. He is moving out and leaving us. He has met someone else.”

I can’t remember the rest of the conversation. There was the usual it’s ‘no reflection on you’ and ‘we will always be here for you’ bit, but she never expanded on who the someone else was and thankfully at the time never mentioned it was a ‘he’ who had recently left the priesthood. Still, my head was thumping with the information I had. I was weak at the knees. After a few minutes of silence, she asked was I okay and if I had any questions. I had a million of them, my first being could we now listen to something other than RTE news in the morning. But in truth I was dazed and felt like I’d been hit by one of Brother Lamb’s famous uppercuts.

I still remember poor old Barry McKeown who, after back-to-back biology and religion lessons taught by the infamous Brother Lamb, where in Biology he explained female impregnation via the penis and then forty minutes later in religion informed us of Mary’s impregnation, not by Joseph or anyone else’s penis but by God’s blessing or something. Lamb while wiping the board, asked (rhetorically) “any questions?” Mc Keown, hand raised and ignoring the collective gasp from his classmates, uttered those now immortal first few words, “Brother, did God have a long invisible Mickey that he could–” The last we saw of Barry was him being carried out of the class unconscious. I now know how he felt.

The next day Jack was waiting for me at the school gate. Jack, if he hadn’t anything himself to worry about, would borrow someone else’s problem until his own anxieties returned. “How’d it go?” he asked. “What?” I said, downplaying the situation. “Your Ma, the ‘Talk’?” “Ah that, nah it was nothing, just about music lessons and stuff.”

We drew hard on the shared cigarette and then the shout went up warning of the Principal’s approach. Twenty-five cigarette butts flew like fireflies through the air and the yard was quickly vacated. There were no further questions from Jack, besides, he had found a new worry of his own. Some random guy asked him if he was an albino because of his wispy blonde hair. That comment and his pubic hair or lack of, was now causing him some angst. I was going to tell him about Maggie Thatcher but I thought better of it.

The weekend came and went and on Monday morning my father drove me to school so he could say goodbye or at least try to. I met Jack and we were fairly sure that he was not an albino and his pubes would thicken in time. He liked my centre parting, but the bus home would be the real test. That afternoon with hope in my heart I boarded the 16C bus. I saw Tina, I also saw Kavanagh sitting beside her. Tina barely gave a glance at my hard-worked hairstyle. Percy approved though with a “look at you Ginger.” I sat alone tired of the whole thing and began to snooze. I could hear Tina and Kavanagh behind me, giggling, a couple’s giggle. I wanted to turn around and look. Then it came, “No, Alexander, don’t look back, WE ARE NOT FOR TURNING…” The End.

RTE Newsreader Ray Kennedy visited Coláiste Dhúlaigh CFE recently to film an “ETB heroes” video with our media & journalism student Laura Byrne.

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